on tuesday, i spoke to God for the first time in three months. in fact it was probably the most sincere i had been with Him in the three months.
i was sitting in the bus.
and i told Him that i was going to continue to blame Him and be angry at Him for the time being. because if i stopped blaming Him and started owning up to reality i would not be able to deal with blaming myself. not right now. not without slashing my wrists.
you know what irony is? i'll tell you what irony is.
i'm looking at this postcard my teammate titus gave me about the plays city harvest is putting up for easter, thematic concerns of which are, i presume, self-explanatory.
while writing my play about satan, thematic concerns of which are, well, not very religious.
today i had a craving for hot fudge sundae from macdonald's. so i called stefan up and we decided to take a walk across the road to engin for lunch. like we were dating. and it was very sweet.
we were walking under a bright purple umbrella in the rain, with his arm around my shoulder.
now, all these would have been the ingredients for the perfect romantic afternoon. if it wasn't for the fact that he was gay.
oh well.
love you baby! and i know i make you wish you were straight!
ok i really don't know if i should be doing this. and i am pretty sure i will regret saying this even as i am writing it. but i deserve my moment. i demand to be allowed my moment. and i don't give a damn who the hell is reading this because this is private and you sure as hell better keep it that way.
how many times, i repeat, how many times does it take before i am allowed to be fed up with the fact that every single guy i take a liking to is either a) not interested b)interested in another girl or c) related to me? how many times, huh, how many freaking times?
