Do You? Really?

on tuesday, i spoke to God for the first time in three months.
in fact it was probably the most sincere i had been with Him in the three months.

i was sitting in the bus.

and i told Him that i was going to continue to blame Him and be angry at Him for the time being.
because if i stopped blaming Him and started owning up to reality i would not be able to deal with blaming myself.
not right now.
not without slashing my wrists.

so until then.

i hope He understands.